I'm not their hero
by Weregonnafixthistogether
Summary: He had always known that it wouldn't be an easy job, a job for him. Too much action, too much risk. Definitely not for him. But the offer was tempting and Jemma had prompted him to accept it, even though he had no idea how it would end.


**I'm not their hero**

_Standing where I am now, standing up at all _  
_I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself at the finish line _  
_Hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all _  
_I was used to seeing no future in my sight line._

He had always known that it wouldn't be an easy job, a job for him.  
Too much action, too much risk. Definitely not for him.  
But the offer was tempting and Jemma had prompted him to accept it, even though he had no idea how it would end.  
He had always believed that organizations like this were based on a hierarchy, where the supervisors look down on you and control all your moves.  
A rigid hierarchy that should be respected no matter what, which gives more responsibility to those who are able to work in the field. And in part that was true. But he knew that their work in the laboratory was just as important as knocking out two Russian thugs.  
But despite this, it is a hierarchy that protects each individual component of the organization.  
From the most important to the least.  
That day, however, he had the opportunity to discover that appearances can be deceptive. He was disappointed by what the organization really was, and he realized that so-called protection was also.  
Are you a level 8 specializing agent in the field? You can be on the safe side. You'll have entire teams to cover your shoulders.  
Are you a common level 5 engineer working on a flying lab? You must do your duty for the organization and be easily left to your fate.

_Sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me _  
_Send all those villains after me._

It doesn't matter if you lose your life, limb or mental health.  
You need to complete the mission. Whether it is simple or not. Level one, five or seven.  
They don't care about your safety if you are not an essential resource. And if you aren't, well then you can be considered expendable, and launched into some absurd den of military.  
But he didn't accept this mission for a sense of duty, no. He did it to prove something to himself. To test himself.

_I'm not their hero But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave._

He is not an expert in the field, he is not an authorized agent to fight, he doesn't know iadvanced self-defense, attack or torture techniques, but he's brave.  
On the outside it may not seem that way and maybe it isn't, most of the time. But he has courage hidden in himself, and he manages to bring it out when it is needed.  
I'm not your hero but that doesn't mean we're not one and the same.  
Maybe he's afraid of the pain, always trying to live as quietly as he can.  
He might never reach the highest levels, but that didn't mean that his life should be less important or his courage belittled by the organization.

_Learning all I know now, losing all I did._

He has lost faith in the organization.  
Trust the system, they've always said.  
Now, he doesn't anymore.  
It's true, many of the things he has learned, inventions that he has designed, the weapons he has created, come from the technological and academic support of the association.  
But in order to collaborate he had to give up a lot. Home, family, quiet work, his few friends obsessed with technology like him. A normal life made of daily routine and why not, and, honestly, fun.  
Even if this organization was the reason he had met her and was able to work with her.

_I do my best to walk the finest line_  
_ Till I've had all that I can take._

And it's for her that he will act as if nothing has happened, that he will continue to work on that plane, always giving the best of himself to achieve decent results.  
For her and for her enthusiasm, her desire to experiment and succeed.  
And then his team. They deserved his all, and had proven how much he needs to continue.  
He has to.  
Although one thing is certain, an the first sign of danger, whether it is for him, her, or both, he will leave the organization, taking her back, by force if necessary.  
And not for fear, but for protection.  
The one thing S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't really give them.


End file.
